Brainy, maybe. Birding, no. I have a confession to make (and surprise everybody in the process).
For the past 16 months, my desire to bird has been pretty much nonexistent.
I haven't admitted it to anybody, much less myself. To a few close friends, I have admitted that I haven't been birding as much as I used to, but giving a reason other than the true one. I blamed it on lack of new lifers, knowing most species of the area and where to find them, nothing left to learn, etc. I still don't really want to talk about the real reason, on several grounds, but I'll give it in a nutshell.
At Waterfowl Brigade last year (2012), I fell really hard for this guy who shall remain unnamed. I fell that hard because he made it appear he returned it. Well, after camp, when he wouldn't respond to any e-mails and all that happened, I lost my fire for birding. He also knew a lot about birds, though he considered himself a duck hunter, rather than a birder, and it hurt to go out birding because it made me think of him.
Even after I let go of love, or it let go of me, I still didn't have the fire. I tried a bunch of ways to get it back, including starting this blog, but nothing worked. It was just gone. When I did pick up my binos, I was just as sharp as ever, so it wasn't that I was getting rusty, I just didn't have the passion for it anymore. It was really bothering and grieving me, because I wanted to be back to normal, but I couldn't stop going further and further away from the old me.
As I was contemplating the article "What the Heck is a Tanager?" in this issue of Birder's Guide, I suddenly felt that old fire come back. I thought it was gone for good. Birding was once my life. I enjoyed it, I loved it, I lived for it. Then it was gone up in smoke for so long, like it was never returning again.
And it's back. I wish it never would have left, or if it had to, it would have come back sooner, but it's back. That's the important thing. It's returned and maybe I'm not the same as I was before, but that's okay.
So, I guess I have a few apologies to make.
The first and biggest is to my Eyrieblog manager, Jennie Duberstein. I'm really sorry for what I haven't done for the blog that I could have, Jennie, and for the rest of my time as a Student Blog Editor, I'm going to work extra hard to make up for it.
Number two belongs to the Rolling Plains Bobwhite (RPBB) and Waterfowl (WTFL) Brigades' instructors who were wondering where the old Alexandria went. I went absolutely crazy at RPBB and did things I never would have otherwise, though I did work hard. I don't know if it showed or not, but I didn't even want to be at WTFL with all those memories and flashbacks as bad as they were.
I guess the third goes to my mom, for arguing that I was most certainly just fine and back to normal, when I definitely wasn't. And for being that horrendous jerk I've been for the past 16 months.
Fourth should be my BFF's. You knew I wasn't normal, you couldn't do anything to help, and it hurt, disappointed, and puzzled you, the things I've said and done. And I know you're happy that my fire is back.
To the other friends I've dragged along with me goes the fifth apology. Those of you who knew the old me, I know you felt so bad to watch me slide into the hell I've been in and I'm sorry I hurt you that way. Those of you who have only known the newer me, I feel bad that you haven't gotten a chance to know the old me with fire and love for life, especially birding.
Last but most definitely not last, the birds deserve the sixth. I've partially blamed this on y'all, since it happened because I was into birding. Not to mention, I've ignored and avoided you like the plague. But, I've got that old fire, and I'm definitely back in business!
So, from here on out, I'm going to be both brainy and birdy!
Alexandria
For the past 16 months, my desire to bird has been pretty much nonexistent.
I haven't admitted it to anybody, much less myself. To a few close friends, I have admitted that I haven't been birding as much as I used to, but giving a reason other than the true one. I blamed it on lack of new lifers, knowing most species of the area and where to find them, nothing left to learn, etc. I still don't really want to talk about the real reason, on several grounds, but I'll give it in a nutshell.
At Waterfowl Brigade last year (2012), I fell really hard for this guy who shall remain unnamed. I fell that hard because he made it appear he returned it. Well, after camp, when he wouldn't respond to any e-mails and all that happened, I lost my fire for birding. He also knew a lot about birds, though he considered himself a duck hunter, rather than a birder, and it hurt to go out birding because it made me think of him.
Even after I let go of love, or it let go of me, I still didn't have the fire. I tried a bunch of ways to get it back, including starting this blog, but nothing worked. It was just gone. When I did pick up my binos, I was just as sharp as ever, so it wasn't that I was getting rusty, I just didn't have the passion for it anymore. It was really bothering and grieving me, because I wanted to be back to normal, but I couldn't stop going further and further away from the old me.
As I was contemplating the article "What the Heck is a Tanager?" in this issue of Birder's Guide, I suddenly felt that old fire come back. I thought it was gone for good. Birding was once my life. I enjoyed it, I loved it, I lived for it. Then it was gone up in smoke for so long, like it was never returning again.
And it's back. I wish it never would have left, or if it had to, it would have come back sooner, but it's back. That's the important thing. It's returned and maybe I'm not the same as I was before, but that's okay.
So, I guess I have a few apologies to make.
The first and biggest is to my Eyrieblog manager, Jennie Duberstein. I'm really sorry for what I haven't done for the blog that I could have, Jennie, and for the rest of my time as a Student Blog Editor, I'm going to work extra hard to make up for it.
Number two belongs to the Rolling Plains Bobwhite (RPBB) and Waterfowl (WTFL) Brigades' instructors who were wondering where the old Alexandria went. I went absolutely crazy at RPBB and did things I never would have otherwise, though I did work hard. I don't know if it showed or not, but I didn't even want to be at WTFL with all those memories and flashbacks as bad as they were.
I guess the third goes to my mom, for arguing that I was most certainly just fine and back to normal, when I definitely wasn't. And for being that horrendous jerk I've been for the past 16 months.
Fourth should be my BFF's. You knew I wasn't normal, you couldn't do anything to help, and it hurt, disappointed, and puzzled you, the things I've said and done. And I know you're happy that my fire is back.
To the other friends I've dragged along with me goes the fifth apology. Those of you who knew the old me, I know you felt so bad to watch me slide into the hell I've been in and I'm sorry I hurt you that way. Those of you who have only known the newer me, I feel bad that you haven't gotten a chance to know the old me with fire and love for life, especially birding.
Last but most definitely not last, the birds deserve the sixth. I've partially blamed this on y'all, since it happened because I was into birding. Not to mention, I've ignored and avoided you like the plague. But, I've got that old fire, and I'm definitely back in business!
So, from here on out, I'm going to be both brainy and birdy!
Alexandria